Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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