It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
