Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
