i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
