So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
