I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
