I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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