my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
