the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
