dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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