I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
