I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
