Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
