no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
