she was so not down for the gang bang
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
