Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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