I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
