Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
