yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
