I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
