hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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