she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
