she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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