I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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