just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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