I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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