party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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