The maid of honor just puked.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
