Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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