o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
