two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
