The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
