My friends, they love my intelligence
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
