This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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