who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
