If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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