i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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