I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
