I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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