I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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