Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
