Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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