Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
