So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
