...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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