My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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