it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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