did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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