I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
