so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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