I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
