Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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