I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
