And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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