I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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