ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
