i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
