there's paper in my vomit.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
