I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I CAN MOONWALK!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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