So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
