hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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