Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
