I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize